Quinn is now 17 months old and I have spent very, very little time away from her. VERY LITTLE TIME. I’m not saying this as a positive or a negative — but rather, just a simple fact. Being a SAHM, yes, it’s my job to be with her 24/7, however, I rarely leave her with Jake or my MIL to have some time to myself. On the rare occasion that I would step out, I would be filled with worry. Not about the ability for Jake to care for her obviously (because hello? He’s sort of the best dadda in the world… Just ask Quinn). However I’d simply worry about things not going well – she’d have a fit. It sounds so silly when I type it out because what toddler doesn’t have meltdowns? She has at least one meltdown a day, usually more with me. So what if she has a melt-down with Jake? (Yes, I’m aware that I’m slightly looney and please bear with me because I’m trying to be better, but holy moly, my default is to be a bit nutters).

ANYHOO… All of this is changing because as of 2 weeks ago I began a 2 month long program called Recess Bootcamp. It’s an all encompassing program, meaning it includes, workouts, health fitness assessments (before/after), and nutrition education. We meet 3 times a week for a little over an hour. Which, when all is said and done, it’s a nice 2 hours away from the house and I LOVE IT. I seriously love it. In exchange for getting to participate in the program, I get to blog about it on Urbanmamas.com. Which, um, I sort of love that site and am slightly addicted to it. So, to be able to write a few pieces and have them posted on UM is very, very awesome in my book.

Also, I cannot even explain how recharged I feel when I return from one of my workouts with Recess. Being able to step away for those 2 hours and only focus on me and my body for that moment is heaven. And the fact that I’m doing something good for my body, that my body needs is a bonus. What makes me just as happy is being able to step away and let Jake and Quinn have some solid father/daughter bonding time. When I come home, Jake fills me in on the activities they did — beaming from ear to ear. And then my heart nearly bursts with happiness every single time.

It’s taken me almost a year and a half to find time for myself and I guess it’s better late than never right?

I don’t do well with sick. Even when I’m sick, I *need*, I *cling*, I’m insecure, I worry. Quinn has been sick this week — like, really sick. Like, laugh in the face of the umpteen colds she’s had throughout the course of her 16 months. And I don’t do well with it. I worry, I fret, I obsess. I let her do what she wants because she’s sick, which is mostly nursing all day and all night long.

On Monday she was diagnosed with an ear infection and prescribed Amoxicillin. 72 hours later, she was still fighting a fever, had no appetite — and was clearly still really sick, which warranted another trip to the doctor’s office. By the time of our appointment, her fever had finally broke and I saw a little bit of the sparkle return to her eyes. That was Thursday. The doctor said that her ear was now fine, however she must be also fighting an underlying bacterial *thing* that is/was also contributing to her fever and lack of appetite, etc.

On Friday, things began looking up, she ate yesterday… which was such a relief. However just as we were doing the happy, she’s better dance, she began breaking out in a rash all over her body. At which point I broke. I couldn’t deal… I called Jake to make sure I wasn’t seeing things in my paranoid state. He agreed, there’s a rash, so I called the doctor.

A couple of hours later the doctor’s office called me back and said they don’t want to see her unless the following:

1. The rash becomes itchy. (Which she doesn’t really scratch herself to relieve an itch, so it’s really difficult to determine if *rubbing her head* means it itches, or if she is just rubbing her head!?!?)

2. The rash turns into welts or becomes purplish in color.

3. If her fever returns.

So, I’m on *rash* watch and yes, it’s probably driving me a bit bonkers. Has it spread? Is she warmer? Was that an itch??? WHAT ARE WELTS?!?! You see where I’m going with this. I keep trying to channel my inner calm – because I know she feeds off of whatever energy I’m giving. How do mom’s NOT stress and worry when their child is sick? Does it get easier as each illness comes and goes? Jake saw me looking up instructions on digital thermometer’s this morning and it sent him over the edge. He knows what I do — he knows how I get myself worked up. And he’s right, a digital thermometer is a very simple tool that does not require a lot of of explanation. I closed the computer, took a deep breath and nursed my baby.