Ill Equipped
I don’t do well with sick. Even when I’m sick, I *need*, I *cling*, I’m insecure, I worry. Quinn has been sick this week — like, really sick. Like, laugh in the face of the umpteen colds she’s had throughout the course of her 16 months. And I don’t do well with it. I worry, I fret, I obsess. I let her do what she wants because she’s sick, which is mostly nursing all day and all night long.
On Monday she was diagnosed with an ear infection and prescribed Amoxicillin. 72 hours later, she was still fighting a fever, had no appetite — and was clearly still really sick, which warranted another trip to the doctor’s office. By the time of our appointment, her fever had finally broke and I saw a little bit of the sparkle return to her eyes. That was Thursday. The doctor said that her ear was now fine, however she must be also fighting an underlying bacterial *thing* that is/was also contributing to her fever and lack of appetite, etc.
On Friday, things began looking up, she ate yesterday… which was such a relief. However just as we were doing the happy, she’s better dance, she began breaking out in a rash all over her body. At which point I broke. I couldn’t deal… I called Jake to make sure I wasn’t seeing things in my paranoid state. He agreed, there’s a rash, so I called the doctor.
A couple of hours later the doctor’s office called me back and said they don’t want to see her unless the following:
1. The rash becomes itchy. (Which she doesn’t really scratch herself to relieve an itch, so it’s really difficult to determine if *rubbing her head* means it itches, or if she is just rubbing her head!?!?)
2. The rash turns into welts or becomes purplish in color.
3. If her fever returns.
So, I’m on *rash* watch and yes, it’s probably driving me a bit bonkers. Has it spread? Is she warmer? Was that an itch??? WHAT ARE WELTS?!?! You see where I’m going with this. I keep trying to channel my inner calm – because I know she feeds off of whatever energy I’m giving. How do mom’s NOT stress and worry when their child is sick? Does it get easier as each illness comes and goes? Jake saw me looking up instructions on digital thermometer’s this morning and it sent him over the edge. He knows what I do — he knows how I get myself worked up. And he’s right, a digital thermometer is a very simple tool that does not require a lot of of explanation. I closed the computer, took a deep breath and nursed my baby.
