This impromptu photo op was taken in the span of 1 minute, which is exactly the length of Quinn’s attention span for this sort of thing.

On a side note: look at how well she’s sitting up, albeit with the help of her hands, and in the security of the corner of our chair.

At Quinn’s 4 month check-up we saw one of the Nurse Practitioners at the clinic.  She did the normal poke, prode and listen…  And then followed everything up with some general questions… to ensure that our perfect little girl is developing as she should. I eagerly explained that our little one was definitely teething… how she is drooling incessantly and biting on ANYTHING she can get her slippery drool covered fingers on. I also explained that at times it’s clear she’s in pain…  as she’ll just shriek out in pain and shove her hand in her mouth.

The Nurse looked at me (like every other NOOB parent they see) and plainly said, “She’s not teething.  4 month old’s drool.  She’s not teething unless you see teeth…

I called B.S. so fast… In my head. How dare she question my MOTHERLY INSTINCTS.  Of course my daughter’s teething! However in my most passive and insecure tone, I simply agreed with her and began second guessing this whole teething phenomena.

However, I feel fully vindicated. My child has not cut ONE tooth, but TWO TEETH… AT THE SAME TIME. TAKE THAT NURSE RATCHED! And what a good little girl Quinn is. Working day and night to get those teeth to the surface. Living with the throbbing pain of them charging their way to the surface. And can I just tell you how cute they are?!?! Those two little toofies… So folks, worry not; my motherly instincts are pumpin’ strong through these veins. Nurse Ratched ain’t got nuthin’ on me!

Thought I’d give an update to what Miss Quinn has been up to lately.  And honestly, it seems like she’s been “up to” a lot… too much.  What happened to my docile newborn that would sleep in my arms, let me leisurely catch up on blogs, read emails… watch an episode of DWTS or AI uninterrupted? Hehe… All of you moms out there are laughing thinking, “hope you enjoyed it while it lasted…”

Anyway, my point.  Quinn is quickly growing and it seems like everyday, she’s adding something new to her resume of skills.  Here are some of the lastest:

Touching toes.  She discovered her toes about a week ago and like any new toy a child typically receives, she doesn’t let them out of her site.  Those toes are in her hands anytime she can grab them. When I gather her from her naps, she’s rocking on her back from side-to-side with her toes in her hands, smiling.  Now if she can figure out how to clean the lint from between her toes… we’d be in business.

Fake laugh to get attention.  This skill appeared earlier this week and is probably the most fascinating. She usually whips out this nugget when she’s in her swing or on her play gym and I’m trying to get something done in the kitchen.  In one movement, she squints her eyes, scrunches her nose, smiles and lets out this short laugh.  She then looks to you in the hopes her action will bring the desired reaction.  At least for now, this new skill of hers causes me to drop what I’m doing, rush over and hopes she does it again.  I copy this “fake laugh” back to her and she repeats it to me.  It’s a game that I could play for hours, but alas, she’s tired of it after about 6 “fake laughs” — then she’s like… “c’mon mom, pick me up for crying out loud”.

Cries when pulling away toy. Well, usually the items I pull away from her are not toys at all, but “adult” objects that she manages to get her fingers on if I’m holding.  Some of her favorite objects: Camera, remotes, red vines or a leaf from a tree (which with my luck, would be some rare poisonous form).  This also began this week and at first I thought it was just a cowinkidink, but NOPE.  Bring on the tears and the drama…  She-knows-what-she-wants-and-will-use-any-means-to-get-her-way.  Hehe… something I know a little about, as does her father, which is why this tactic will be harder to use on Dad than with mom.

Wants whatever I’m eating or drinking. Babies are typically started on solid foods between the ages of 4-6 months.  There are a number of “signs” to watch for which help you know when your baby may be ready to try solids.  One of those signs is when said baby is fascinated by watching you eat and drink. We can check this off the list as Quinn wants to put anything I’m eating or drinking to her mouth.  She is especially interested in my Sigg bottle (which I proudly give her because, how cool is it that my 4 1/2 month old is already environmentally conscious?!)

My current plan is to wait until her 6-month mark before delectable rice cereal is introduced since she’s clearly getting enough breastmilk (a.k.a. Chunky-Monkey), however we’ll see how that goes.  As you’ve probably gathered… She’s sort of running the show.

Isn’t it true that if we talk about our those things we wish to improve about ourselves, rather than shove them further down the rabbit hole, that we have a better chance of overcoming them? Is it true that once the “dirty laundry” is aired, that, in the end, what may have tormented us, wasn’t such a big deal after all…  or you discover that, “wow, you do that too?!?” And feel a sigh of relief to know you’re not alone.

In an effort to air things out and to be a little more honest – and to hopefully free myself of some of this unending supply of guilt I place on myself.

* We are accidental co-sleepers with Quinn. I say accidental because this was not my intention and I feel guilty for it.  When she was a newborn it was difficult for her to settle herself at night.  She would rustle around in her bassinet — and not get any good sleep, nor would I.  So, I started placing her in bed with me/us.  There are many wonderful things about co-sleeping… (including some studies that show sleeping with an infant can help them regulate their breathing).  I get tons of sleep, as does she. And night nursing sessions are only a vague memory the next morning, as I nurse her with one eye barely open. She and I are so well rested – it’s wonderful.

Ahh, but it’s not all fun and games…  One of the down-sides to this guilty-pleasure-sleep-arrangement is the resentment that is building up on the other side of the bed.  Jake keeps asking me, “when is she going to sleep in her crib?”  And I know this needs to happen…  I know my daughter needs to sleep in her own bed now that she’s getting more and more familiar with her surroundings. But OMG it’s hard.  When she was 2 months old I said we’d do it when she was 12 or 13 weeks…  She’s now going on 17 weeks and as I type right now, she’s snuggled in the huge king size bed sawing logs.

It is my goal to teach her to sleep in her crib, but honestly I’m afraid. She’s a stubborn little thing and I know it’s going to be a nightmare of a task.  On the other hand, I need to do it for the sake of my marriage.

*Quinn naps in our bed AND I lay next to her until she falls asleep. She has not yet successfully put herself to sleep for a nap or at bedtime.  (I’m not counting when she falls asleep in the Bjorn or in the Stroller). I lie her down and snuggle up to her… She crashes out in a few minutes.  I have actually tried many times to get her to nap on her own, however, she’s never asleep when the alarm of my internal “cry it out” clock rings at 15 minutes.  At which point she’s so worked up, I’ve just quadrupled the time it’ll take to get her to fall asleep because she’s so amped.  Egads… What a dream it is, to think about the day she’ll put herself to sleep.

The truth is, our daughter is so similar to so many babies…  She is able to be taught how to sleep in her crib and how to fall asleep on her own.  The question is, am I able to do it? When I do work up the courage, oh my gosh, it’s gonna be tough.  Tears, heartbreak… the whole nine yards folks.

Now I’m done and now you know…

Quinn is 4 months old and we celebrated by getting her shots.  While I’ve mostly signed on with the school O’ thought that vaccinations should happen, what a miserable way to celebrate 4 months.

As unpleasant as it was, Quinn was a real champ.  She had just finished showing off all of her new “baby moves”, including rolling over for everyone, so I think she was on an endorphin high when the first needle punctured her little chubby thighs.  I say that because she cried for only a minute — and then was fine.  Hummm… so either the endorphins or the Infant Tylenol I had dosed her with an hour prior.

So for record and memory purposes… @ 4 months:

15 pounds, 1/2 ounce

25 Inches Long

She’s sitting proudly in the 75th Percentile for Height and Weight and the 50th Percentile for head size.

What a Mighty Quinn!

So, I was really dreading going back to work. Then I went for one week and then the next week I QUIT.

I had many conversations with friends and family in the weeks leading up to my return to work. All of them giving me words of encouragement. Many of them telling me, through their experience, that yes, this can in fact be done. Especially since I was only returning to a 3-day work week.

Filled with encouragement – I was ready to give it a “go”.

The week was full of “hi’s”, “hello’s” and “how are you’s”, computer problems and attempts to speak to adults about adult things. Pumping quickly becoming a nightmare… I was pumping once before Quinn woke up, 3 times at work and 2 times in the evening, plus feeding her in the morning and evening… I was trying to pump enough to feed her for the following day and it was completely stressful. Can I just say that the idea of not creating enough food for your child to eat is just about the most nerve racking thing I can think of… My hat is off to all mom’s who dedicate their time to pumping when they return to work.  Because honestly, by the time my head hit the pillow, I was exhausted. Oh yes, and to top it off, my boobs were wrecked beyond belief — which is what happens when you turn a Medela pump ALL the way up…

By the third day my separation anxiety was manageable and Quinn was beginning to settle in with my mother in-law…  So, why was I coming home in tears each night?

There were many factors for me quitting, but really, it simply comes down to — I want to be with my daughter. I love being with her everyday. I really enjoy my time with her. I love watching her change everyday. Working felt artificial. When I was there, I was going through the motions… but my head and heart were somewhere else — with her. And after a voluntary demotion and voluntary decrease in hours, the paycheck simply was not worth it.

I had always assumed that when I had a child, I would balance work and parenthood — I’ve been working full-time since I was 17 and the idea of not working or helping support my family seemed foreign to me. Hehe…  that was of course, before that little face appeared in our lives and slowly things began to change.

Jake and I had long conversations over the weekend. Could we afford me staying home, would I be able to “mentally” handle being with a child 24/7, or rather, the lack of adult interaction…  Yes, we’d have to tighten our belt, and NO there was no more excuses for not creating a budget, and yes, I think I am prepared for the mental exercise of days with just Quinn and I.  So, in the end, we agreed that my place right now is home with Quinn. And when we made the decision and said it out-loud, I felt a weight being lifted. I felt this anxiety that had begun to settle weeks prior, vanish.

So, today was my last day at work and it was with much mixed emotions. I’ve been with my employer for almost 9 years and to walk away from it felt strange. This company has been a long chapter in my life.  It’s been the one “constant” in a very busy life…  It saw me through a first (brief) marriage, a painful divorce, many nights “tying one off” in an attempt to relax, find myself and enjoy what I thought I had originally missed out on, a couple super lame relationships, many great friendships and finally Jake, a second marriage, much traveling, buying a house, remodeling a house and finally having a baby. LP’s been through it all.

Even still, it was a relatively easy thing to do (showing the power of an offspring).  When I got home, I had to nurse my baby girl and while was lying there, staring at her, staring at me… I was filled with so much joy.  I told her, “mommy’s here…”

This week has been quite a roller-coaster of emotions… It was my last full week with Quinn, before I head back to work. *sigh*

I’ve tried to drink up every moment with her… Savor it. Memorize it. I feel sad to be losing this special time with her. The time that is just hers and mine. This time that the world grants you — to get to know your new child. Every time I think about going back to work I’m left with a lump in my throat.

I mean really… I’ve been there for every new moment of hers- every new experience… sharing it with her. She and I have forged this journey together… a new experience for both of us. We’ve made our own way — teaching each other.

I know, I know… the sadness and drama of it all.

So in honor of our little miracle and this precious time she and I have got to spend together, below are some highlights of milestones, moments and other things about Quinn – that I must put down on paper, or rather, screen, to preserve.

Chubby Thighs. I just noticed this week… how chubby her little legs have gotten. Goodbye lean-machine, hello Chubby McChubs.

Part-time Thumb Sucker/Chewer. While she relies on her Binky for most of the “I-need-to-be-soothed-and-a-boob-is-not-available” moments, this week she’s really become a big fan of her thumb. At the moment though, it serves as more of a gnawing tool, than a sucking tool.

Teething 101. So, it’s official… this girl is teething. I’ve read that while some babies couldn’t be bothered with the slightest “teething pain”, other babies seem to be VERY affected. Quinn seems to be more on the “affected” side of things. There are moments of certain days when her teeth seem to bother her very much. During these moments she grabs anything available — this toy, or my knuckle and bites — HARD. When gnawing on something doesn’t do the trick… poor thing will all of a sudden shriek out in pain. I’ve succumbed to the powers of Infant Tylenol a couple of times, however it’s not the miracle worker I’d like it to be.

Thinning Hair. In her sleep and really any other time she’s on her back, she rubs her head back and forth, over and over again. Each morning she wakes up with a baby dreadlock that I carefully comb and pick out. The result of this is a less then stellar “do” — Not only is she kind of rocking a mullet, she’s beginning to rock a mullet with a bald spot. NICE.

Fine Motor Skills. In the past couple of weeks, she’s been getting very good at her hand/eye coordination. She spots one of her toys, grabs it and brings it to her mouth. This new skill came at a great time too… because it was just about at the same time that she was getting totally fed-up with her car seat and any car ride lasting longer than 10 minutes. When she realized we had not reached our destination in a reasonable 10 minutes, she would begin to wail at the top of her lungs. By the time we’d get to wherever we were going, I was a ball of shot nerves — as was she. So, this new skill and additional interest in her toys has bought a little more peace-and-quiet while driving.

She Absolutely Loves Being Outside. The other day Quinn and I went on 3 walks: 1 in her stroller and 2 in the Baby Bjorn. The walks range from 30 minutes to an hour and she loves every minute. She used to konk out minutes into a walk, but those are days of old. It’s a great way to pass the time, show her new things and the added bonus — it’s exercise for me…

Awh, Quinniepoo… Mommy loves you.

I love that my husband currently works from home. It fills the house with some adultness. During my hours upon hours of just Quinn and I, having him here cuts down on that isolation that so easily settles when it’s just you and a new baby. A typical day for him… wakes up, gets coffee and charges up the stairs to tackle what CTO’s of start-up web companies do… code. coffee. code. coffee. phone call. code. coca-cola. fix bugs. coca-cola. code. curse. another phone call. fix more bugs. shower. coca-cola. curse. fix more bugs.

As busy as he is, I love that he’s busy here and not across town. I love that when he refills his coffee cup, he can’t help but kiss his daughter before he runs back upstairs. I know that working at home is a temporary situation, so I really do appreciate that this is our life right now.

On the other hand…

I’m downstairs trying to make heads or tails of this 3-month old being. The top of my list — NAPS. This girl is proving to be quite fickle when it comes to when and where she naps. Now, there of course would be no issue if I’d just let her nap in my arms whenever the moment suits her. I know those beautifuls eyes staring up at me are saying: “What else do you need your arms for? Why can’t you sit here on the couch and hold me while I nap away?” I know, right? It’s crazy to think I should have to put this little girl down and do something very selfish, like PEE.

Anyway, so I’m working on naps. Once I get the “tired” cue right, we walk to her room where I will cradle her in my arms, just so… rock, back and forth, back and forth… AVOID eye contact. Those droopy eyes will come to life if they land on mine. The minutes roll by. I know she’s tired, but does she? 5 minutes go by… then 10 minutes… Those eyes are putting up a fight. They open, then close… ahhh, there she goes — then WAIT, they’re WIDE open again! Dammit. 15 minutes later… That’s it, asleep you go sweet angel…

Mom has won round 1, but round 2 is all the more challenging. Lying her down in her crib. Even with all the tricks… She still takes this round 3 out of 5 times.

Here it goes… While I lay her down, I keep my arms wrapped snuggly around her – staying in this awkward, back-breaking position until she settles. Yes, I lay her her on a warm fuzzy blanket, rather than a cold sheet. Once I do remove my arms from under her, I keep a hand on her back and sllllooooowwwly pull my hand away. I then stand there in complete silence waiting to see if she’s just messing with me. A couple of minutes pass and her eyes are still shut and she hasn’t moved. I walk out backwards, not making a peep… I shut the door, but of COURSE not all the way. I’m not stupid. I’ve got to crack that door and neurotically check on her every few minutes. Ok, not so bad… 20 minutes to get her to sleep. She should at least sleep an hour right? She’s only 3 months old after all. They still need like 15 – 18 hours of sleep at this stage.

In nearly complete silence, I proceed with some household chores… putting dishes away, folding clothes.

Then, all of a sudden, an iphone rings in the not-so-distance (this house is too small). A husband answers and… why is he shouting?!?!? Ok, so he’s just talking in a normal volume, but WHY? Didn’t he hear me put her down?! 5 minutes later… Ok, good, he’s off the phone… Thank god. I try to IM him to say “Quinn is sleeping, be quiet”… but he’s not on-line?!?! What gives? He’s always on-line! Before I can get to him, I hear him heading down the stairs. I make eye contact and say in a too-loud whisper… SHE’S SLEEPING! He looks at me slightly annoyed… “what did I do?” Then as soon as he appeared, he heads back upstairs to continue being a CTO for a start-up web company.

She wakes up. She’s been asleep 12 minutes.

I’m fuming, he’s oblivous. Good thing she’s sweet enough to melt my heart in about 3 seconds.

Quinn can now check one more milestone off of her long list of To-Do’s… Rolling Over (from tummy to back).

Yesterday she was playing on her tummy when she figured out she could turn on her side. She hung out there for a moment then rolled over onto her BACK!  Now, she didn’t seem to think much about this however Mom was very excited. After giving my little girl kisses and praises about her achievement, we shouted upstairs to Dad to tell him the news. Jake said — “I want to see…” as he ran downstairs.

Well, we all know that babies rarely perform “on-demand”, however, I thought we’d give it a try. So, I placed her on her tummy and hoped that she would do it again… It was touch and go for a moment… I knew that tears were right around the corner — however, there she went. She did it again! Jake and I both clapped and cheered for her while she looked at us completely befuddled.

While I’m so proud of my 12 week old daughter… I feel both excited and a bit sad… Excited of course, because my child is progressing as she should be, however a bit sad because my little newborn has now shown the first signs of mobility and independence.  As everyone says about babies… they just grow up too fast. Before I know it, these days of her being a newborn will be a faint memory. During my last couple weeks home on maternity leave, I am resolved to savor every moment with my little sweat pea.

Within the last week Quinn has began enjoying her play gym and all of the toys that hang from it… I decided to use this new found interest to my advantage and squeeze in some quality “Tummy Time”. In order to build up a baby’s trunk & core muscles (the muscles that are vital in hold up her head as well as sitting up and crawling) it is recommended that babies Quinn’s age spend at least 5 minutes on their tummy, 3 times a day. Until now, this has been a challenge (as noted in Tummy Time Gone Wrong)…

However, behold the images below of Quinn’s sequence of Tummy Time.

STEP 1: Place baby on tummy, using a boppy pillow for support. Strategically place toys high enough so baby needs to raise head to enjoy them.

STEP 2: Baby notices Mr. Cow, lifts head to check it out.

STEP 3: Baby keeps head up, unsure about Mr. Cow, but willing to investigate further… (Mom excited to see that baby can hold head up so well!)

STEP 4: Baby very curious about Mr. Cow and his friends…  Keeps head lifted and begins to spit bubbles…

STEP 5: Baby has clearly accepted Mr. Cow as a friend, rather than foe — All is right in the world of Quinn. (Mom is so excited — 5 minutes have passed with head lifted HIGH!)

STEP 6: With no warning, baby lays head on play mat…  Clearly exhausted from a emotionally intense play-date and worn out neck muscles.

STEP 7: Baby has clearly worked up a massive appetite, during this 8 minutes of play-time… (Note: how she is eating her hand.)

STEP 8: Later that day, after an outfit change and numerous feedings — Proud mommy cuddles with daughter.

Ahhh…  Sweet success…